Add Yo mama Jokes Here.......

[Merlot]

You momma is so nasty she has to cut the strings off of her tampons so the crabs dont bungee jump!

[jasedee]

CASH MONEY!

[bishopkris40]

your moms so fat I had to roll over twice to get off her this morning.

and some slagging of the glasgow girls
(Sorry for the spelling, it's the way it's said)

A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the civil servant "10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?" "Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec "Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"



A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."



Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
She says "Gies that rid yin"
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."



A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Morag."
Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Springburn."



A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8.
Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners o' them!"



Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok then how many fingers am I putting up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"



The scene is a Glasgow Court and a witness (A COMPLETE NED, think of Lex in his younger day!) is being questioned by a rather plummy mouthed Advocate Depute (AD)...
AD: "You say you went to your friend's house that night. Why did you go there?"
WITNESS: "Tae get a tap."
AD: "Is your friend a plumber?"
WITNESS: "Naw."
AD: "Are you a plumber?"
WITNESS: "Naw."
The witness is a bit bewildered by this line of questioning and the AD realises this. The AD then notices that the court police officer is rubbing his fingers of one hand together in the universal gesture of money.
Daylight apparently dawns on the AD and he changes his line of questioning accordingly.
AD: "So you went to your friend's house to borrow money?"
WITNESS: "Naw."
AD: "Ah. You went to the house to lend money?"
WITNESS: "Naw."
In exasperation the AD says, "You told the court that you went to Your friend's house for a tap. What kind of tap was it?"
WITNESS: "A Sellick tap."

[nvisibl]

ha ha .. nice