Are you destined to become a failed wannabe music producer?

[Infinity+1]

Lol, confession time. Apologies in advance - I just feel like expressing myself and letting it all out!

Making music is actually a big problem of mine, like an unhealthy addiction.

It keeps me up all night, fools me by making me think I'll enjoy it and be good at it. I get depressed because I can't even write a simple arpeggio over two chords. My drums sound thin and crap. I play it far too loud through my headphones, I think I'm addicted to the intensity of the volume. I've been writing for about 6-7 years and have deleted every track I've ever made because when I listen back they sound terrible. I'm learning how to be a web developer and a programmer and the added pressure of learning compression, eq, sound design, music theory etc leaves my brain no time for rest. I'm far too determined for my own good, I can easily loop a chord progression for 3 hours without taking a break, and at the end of it have made nothing and go to bed. I have a ridiculous amount of samples and software installed that cost me loads of money and time to aquire.

I've quit loads of times before, and when I do I get out more, meet mates, exercise etc. But like an alcoholic I get sucked back in by the 'just a little' idea and the vicious circle continues. I'm a reasonably intelligent guy and I love music so I figure I should be able to write good music, but it's just not that simple.

Anyway, it's only a few months since I realised I have an OCD problem with producing. I've been so ignorant for so long. I sold some gear but never got round to selling my virus, so I'll do that ASAP. I'm just about to get rid of all my software and samples and I'll have to have the self discipline to say no in the future. The cognitive dissonance is crushing me and I'm better than that, my life isn't too bad otherwise.

Do I win the most depressed post of the year award or what! I hope no-one else feels this way and you all have a great time making music.

All the best.