Call centers - any insiders care to share what really goes on?
 

Hi All,

Just had 2 days of call center horror. I am sure there's a whole psychology and tactics to managing callers to the point that they shoot themselves. Some things I note:

* You are placed on hold to slow you down and are more 'pliable' by the time a human speaks to you.
* Voice menus are designed to similarly put you in a submissive state, because you have to say what it wants to hear and won't forward you unless you play along. I also think they detect your mood from your voice and act aoordingly.
* You can be given phone numbers which don't actually work if you want to complain about the process.
* You can be put on permanent hold because they can't do anything about your problem - you will eventually hang up.

You'd think I must be a nightmare caller but I am reasonable and patient. Are there any insiders who can tell us the tactics call centers use? How much does an operator know about your previous calls? Can you be flagged as a nightmare person and they won't pick you up in the queue, or you get mysteriously disconnected? Can they really refer to an earlier call you made if you believe the process was not satisfatory?

Yeah, what really goes on in a call center?
B

An example of call center payback: please replace the word "mobile" with "cell phone" if applicable in your area.

A mate of mine (honest, it wasn't me) used his mobile as a broadband modem for his notebook and got a $300 bill for 12 minutes access to hotmail. He called up the call center and the operator didn't like him being annoyed that you can get a charge like that without any warning. I was there at the time, and he wan't being unreasonable or insulting. But the operator didn't like it and he changed the free call hour on the mobile so me mate got a big bill the following month for calls that normally would have been free.

I knew immediately that the operator did this to pay him back. Funny thing was, the call center didn't charge him for the calls describing it as an error in their system. They knew exactly what was going on :) I think this is an example of tactics to get back at customers.

B

Busy call centres have an army of very underpaid workers called Assistants. If they do well in the first 6 weeks - good attendance, low customer refunds - they get promoted to Senior Assistant with a small pay rise. These are the people you are put through to after the Assistant gives up. After Senior Assistant, you may become a Supervisor. Then a Senior Supervisor. By now, you're well on the way to becoming a Junior Manager. By the time you become a Senior Product Manager you have even more contempt for your fellow workers and yourself that any arsehole customer who dares to get through to you can fuck right off.

I hate the whole "Customer Care" facade. Thankfully the Finns don't go in for it, nor do they expect it. If you've got a genuine complaint, they'll usually deal with it without much fucking around. The Brits, however, are the biggest wankers I've ever seen. I remember us laughing at our fist electricity bill which had "We Care About You" blazed at the top. In the fucking supermarket they bombard you with placards telling you what great value everything is and how fucking special you are. There's even some poor cunt at the entrace in a ridiculous uniform to welcome you with a fucking smile to the shop! Fuck off and leave me alone! It was a shock when the checkout woman asked me if I needed any help packing my bags.. It's some bread and a six-pack ffs! But, you know, you start to feel like you've actually got some POWER after a while. You become used to looking down on them. Yeah. I'm the fucking king. Pack my bags. It's all part of the dumbing down process that is needed to make you into SUPER CONSUMER.

I found it would freak call centres out if I started with "Sorry, could you give me your name please?" Check the spelling and then ask, "And do you mind if I record this call for future reference, Ms Smith? OK. Fine. Could you just state the day and date and the time for me, please? And you are authorised to speak on behalf of Southern Electricity Ltd, are you? Then repeat the important things they say "So you're saying that you will not give me a refund, is that right. OK. Thanks very much Ms Smith." Always remain calm and perfectly mannered. If you know 100% you're in the right take your recording to a lawyer and SUE!

Aussie call centres love to tell your their first name and where they are located. Not that you can necessarily believe a thing, how many offices have a bogus name so when you mention it they know you are a first time caller? I know lots of ticketing staff in box offices and they hate people and are all Cancerians. OK, that's a generalisation but startlingly accurate beyond random chance.

Hmm, predominance of particular astrological groups with professions..

I must know more.. As I'm really busy today and should be preparing for an important meeting, I'll now spend the next hour clicking on internet links in a focused quest for useless knowledge.

Edit: Fuck this. First search results reveal that astrologers are off their heads.

OK, My agency runs a very large and sophisticated call center for people that are recipients of public health care services, as well as providers of services. I'll try to get some info from them on common AVRS (Automated Voice Response System?) configuration/tactics.

I can tell you for sure Dell's call center is architected and run by Satan and the lowest of his minions.

Thanks Alex.

Oddly enough, I love a professional call center conversation. Although HP and Symantec go a bit overboard with the process, including the phone survey and email follow up. I got my damn answer days ago and they still won't leave me alone :)

OVM: I think astrology is nonsense and yet I stand by my generalisation.

Your call is important to us and will be answered by the first available operator,
B

Alex mate, "your agency.." ? What you up to these days? I thought you were studying.

Yes, OVM, my agency, as in the agency I work for, which is the "Florida Agency for Health Care Administration" or "AHCA."

I work for the Medicaid program. Medicaid is a state level public health care program that in Florida provides health care for about 2,000,000 people, who are either of limited eligibility due to pregnancy, income below a certain threshold of the federal poverty level, or permanently eligibile due to some type of disability. We spend about $15 billion annually, about half of which is provided by money from the federal government in D.C.

I'm also in graduate school part time though.

;)

-Alex

Thank you Alex.